We join a conversation in progress between two everyday citizens...
...While our heroes wait an arm's distance away.

JENNY
Yeah, I guess...

KATE
Why do you say it like that?

JENNY
Well, I don?t know. They kind of look like guy pants.

KATE
Yeah, I see what you mean. Two legs, a waist opening... how could I have grabbed something so obviously "guy"?

JENNY
You know what I mean.

KATE
I'm not sure I do.

JENNY
It's that whole gender role thing. Things more suited for guys or girls.

KATE
Oh no, not the psychology talk again.

JENNY
No no. That's just what it is... although I must admit that I do not know a lot about the gender role topic.

JENNY
Uh...

WALTER O'CONNER
I must apologize. I did not intend to drop the ease, but I did catch something about genderized pants, the gender role conflict, and, well bullocks... pretty much everything you said actually.

KATE
Uh huh, nice to know.

JENNY
So who might you be?

WALTER O'CONNER
Glad you asked. As some of YOU might already know, I am Walter O'Conner. A psychologist in the field of psychoanalysis. It was pioneered by the great Sigmund Freud you know. Do show respect.

KATE
Nice. Well, I am KATE
. This is JENNY
. We're all caught up, yet I still don't know WHY you're here.

WALTER O'CONNER
To educate, obviously.

JENNY
Educate who?

WALTER O'CONNER
You.

JENNY
Me?

WALTER O'CONNER
Yes!

JENNY
About what?

WALTER O'CONNER
You are a slow one, aren't you? We're falling behind. Two minutes removed from the past of now, you spoke of gender roles. So here I am to tell you why they exist.

KATE
Oh no...

JENNY
Give him a chance.

WALTER O'CONNER
Splendid!

KATE
I did not agree to this.

WALTER O'CONNER
Oh do behave! Now listen, Freud felt that everyone is essentially bisexual, gender role speaking, in that they are composed of both same-sex and opposite-sex components. But the path diverges as children get older. Gender roles are acquired by identifying with the same-sex parent.

KATE
Are you sure about this?

WALTER O'CONNER
Freud said it!

KATE
Uh...

JENNY
Hmm...

WALTER O'CONNER
Now, where was I before being so rudely interrupted? Ah yes... There is a key component in the gender-role development. It all goes back ... to... the... ah yes, the penis! For boys, they notice their difference from girls by the penis. This notice develops into the Oedipal complex.

KATE
Oh God no.

JENNY
You've heard of this?

KATE
Only the most idiotic thing to come out of psychology.

WALTER O'CONNER
Bloody hogwash! It is true! A young boy develops feelings for his mother, but the presence of his father acts as a rival for him. Knowing that he could not off the 'ol chap, the poor boy has to repress these feelings for his mother and identify with his father. As the old saying goes, if you can't beat him, join him.

JENNY
Yeah, I mean, when you think about it, it all falls into place.

WALTER O'CONNER
Precisely! As for females such as you two, the absence of the penis causes envy. For a lock can only restrict, but a key can take you anywhere! Haha, I crack myself sometimes. But all humor aside, the Elektra complex plays a big role for you during the same period that the Oedipal complex would take place. Girls reject their mothers, for they feel she is responsible for their vagina. But they long to use it efficiently, by bearing their father's children. But the complex is never resolved. By default, the lack of a penis causes the girls to identify with the mother, the less powerful of the two.

KATE
You friggin' sexist! Ever heard of women's lib, the feminist movement, or even the Vagina monologues? Hate to break it to you, but we can even vote now! And vote for female politicians as well!

WALTER O'CONNER
Well, nice to see that your deficiency is not holding you back.

ANNE SNIDER
More like communism control. Look, he's just bitter about his small penis. In the grand scheme of things, psychoanalysis is not the way to go. Freud was an idiot.

WALTER O'CONNER
Take it back! Oh my, take it back!

JENNY
Who are you? Do you have something to say about this?

KATE
Let me guess... another psychologist?

ANNE SNIDER
Anne Snider. Pleased to meet you.

KATE
Gee... wrap you two up in cellophane and put you in the specials isle at Wal-Mart. Psychology is going to give me nightmares if this doesn't end soon.

ANNE SNIDER
Only the terror of Freud, which I'm sure has some form of sexual based interpretation of its own. Seriously, what Walter needs to realize is that he consciously needs to get out of his unexplored unconscious and face reality. The roles people play are based upon life experiences and how well those actions have been favored. You should look into behaviorism for your answers.

WALTER O'CONNER
I behave as I see fit.

ANNE SNIDER
You behave due to life's reinforcements. Did Pavlov teach you nothing? There are bells in all aspects of life. Boys and girls have their own unique bells that shape their gender roles.

KATE
English, please?

ANNE SNIDER
For every action, there is either a reward or a consequence. We have these ideas about how each gender should act. Through reinforcement, the children continue these actions, where as actions that stray from those ideas are buried into extinction.

WALTER O'CONNER
It's inherent. It is so plain to see that we are what we are due to...

ANNE SNIDER
Enough of you. I would like to think that a behaviorist, given a sterile lab setting, could raise an infant to become anything from a doctor to a thief. It's all in the reinforcements used for the child's actions while growing up. The same could be said about the person's gender role. Male or female, it would just take a few key reinforcements to produce either a masculine or a feminine person.

JENNY
Ohhhh... my head. I do't know if I wanted to know it this bad.

ANNE SNIDER
Better to learn the truth than to hear Conner's lies.

WALTER O'CONNER
Anne... what makes you so sure you?re right?

ANNE SNIDER
Not you again...

WALTER O'CONNER
Didn't we tell you last time?

ANNE SNIDER
Stop hanging out with us.

WALTER O'CONNER
You're not a true psychologist.

KATE
Great, the three musketeers.

TIM BURBANK
That, I am not. I am Tim Burbank, a scientist in the field of evolutionary studies.

ANNE SNIDER
In other words, Captain Obvious. Mr. "I can tell you all about the past, but offer no insight into the future."

WALTER O'CONNER
Science and I have never gotten along.

TIM BURBANK
That is because all you deal with is open-ended idiocy. And you, Anne, for every idea you have, never do you consider genetics. They are the building blocks, you know. Without them, the child you speak of wouldn't even be able to crawl, much less become a doctor.

WALTER O'CONNER
You're not cool.

ANNE SNIDER
Yeah, what a huge geek.

TIM BURBANK
What ignorance. Now, if you don't mind. Through our evolutionary past, males and females had certain roles that best fit the survival of the human race. Women gave birth and tended to the children, while men gathered the food and kept an amount of protection over his reproduced investment. These actions continued on, securing the survival of mankind and forming what we now know as gender roles.

KATE
So it's all set in stone? I'm supposed to just stand by my man?

TIM BURBANK
Well, it flows with nature. But even look at gender roles with reproduction. Males have a higher number of partners. This is due to our past of needing to spread the seed, so to speak.

WALTER O'CONNER
But subconsciously, he is also...

TIM BURBANK
Making sure he lives on. Mortality is a big fear. Children are one way to escape it.

ANNE SNIDER
I stand by my convictions.

KATE
But I can barely stand anymore. Jenny, these pants are uncomfortable. Want to go to the mall with me so I can buy a different pair?

JENNY
Yeah, sounds fun!

ANNE SNIDER
Don't you want to learn the truth?

JENNY
No thanks. I figure the truth will happen, regardless. I'll just live how I want, and let what happens... happen.

ANNE SNIDER (to WALTER O'CONNER)
I so had you beat. They never believed you for a moment.

TIM BURBANK
Well, when I showed up...

ANNE SNIDER and WALTER O'CONNER<
Oh be quiet!

ANNE SNIDER
My place for Monopoly? The board's still set up.

WALTER O'CONNER
Splendid! I'll bring the tea.

TIM BURBANK
Can I come?

ANNE SNIDER
Um, sure. But only if you bring snacks.